Last night, I got home at 8:30PM, like usual. The house was nice and dark - my wife is one of those crazy people who insists on watching the news every night before bed; she has this idea that it makes her feel better about herself or something. Man, I love her though. That's what you do when you're in love with someone like me! I popped open a beer and sat down to watch some TV myself for a bit before bed. It was just starting to get really good into the commercial break when my phone went off - the police call number that only pops up when there's an emergency. I buzzed my wife to get her attention and told her to grab the phone for me. "Hello?" And she gave me a funny look. "What's going on?" That's when I knew something was up. "Where did you go, baby? And why did you take my car?... What did you do, Joyce!" "I took your car!" she yelled back. "I was at Carlos', he took me to his house, I kissed him!" "So what you're saying is... ?" I started. "He's better than you!" she said, before hanging up the phone. I gotta say that it stung in my gut when she said that. No matter how confident in myself I am in real life, in my imagination, in my fantasies - it's always me having the last word. And right now, I knew that Joyce had something really good going for her! So good that she was willing to throw away 6 years of marriage for this guy Carlos... Maybe 6 years isn't much of a marriage anymore - but it sure feels like it. And all this while we've been ... uh ... trying to have a baby... maybe we should check with Mister Carlos to see if he's any good at that too. So I went to go hunt her down, but by the time I got there, she'd already made it back home. And I had to give the cops some story about how my wife tried stealing my car and crashed into a couple of bystanders on the way - and naturally they didn't believe me and left me with two tickets: one for domestic violence and one for "causing a public disturbance". Lovely. So I climbed into my little sports car and took off for Carlos' place. I had no idea how long I was going to keep driving - but as far as I knew, he was the only guy who took my wife here. And as far as I could tell, the only guy (besides me) who would be pissed enough to make a call like that... The drive ended up taking an hour and a half - and by then, my head was pounding. What started out as just a little twinge of discomfort had turned into a throbbing pain and now it was telling me that something big was coming on. So I pulled over at the first exit and took off my glasses so that it could relax.

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